Moving!

"Remember you have one life. That's all. You were made for God. Don't waste it." -John Piper

The moderately minimalist family is moving! We bought a house.

Four years ago our family started the minimalist journey with a move from the suburbs of Indianapolis, IN to the suburbs of Atlanta, GA. We moved from an 1800 square foot house to a 1200 square foot apartment. We got rid of half of our things out of actual necessity. At the time, it wasn't a conscious choice I was making. I was moving from a house with 24 kitchen cabinets to an apartment with 12 kitchen cabinets. How did it feel to get rid of half our stuff? It didn't make me feel deprived. I didn't feel like I was lacking anything. It didn't make me feel anxiety or panic. People ask me if I ever regret anything I got rid of. The answer is no. I have no regrets. I don't feel like anything is missing. I feel... free!

I find I have more time and money. I want less stuff so that I waste less time. Time wasted on shopping and researching where to get the best deal. Time wasted on cleaning it and finding just the right place for it. Time wasted on reorganizing it when people don't put it away. Time wasted looking for things people haven't put away. I want less stuff so that I waste less money. Money wasted on extra clothes, too many toys, an abundance of shoes, bags or DVDs. Money wasted on library fines because I can't find books under everything. Wasted money on buying extra notebooks and pens because they got buried as well. I want to use the extra time and money to serve my family, my community and my church. “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matt. 6:19-21)

As we began shopping for a house last month, I felt a little anxious. The Atlanta market is tight. The first house we put an offer on was gone in less than 24 hours. And so many of the houses are huge. Houses with 3000 square feet and 5 bedrooms. I was nervous that we would end up with a monstrosity that didn't really reflect our values. I prayed that we would find just the right home to push us toward our goals. A house small enough that we couldn't carelessly or thoughtlessly fill it up. But large enough that we could serve others through hospitality. And we found it! It has 2000 square feet. Now it is up to us what we do with that 2000 square feet.

As we move once again, what an opportunity we have for reevaluation. As we touch every item in our home and pack it in a box, I ask myself questions. Is this something that I use regularly? Does this thing bring me closer to my goals? Is this thing part of the process of using my time and resources in service to others? Or is it hindering me? We haven't gotten rid of much this time around. Moving is phenomenally easier as a minimalist. I am eagerly anticipating our next step in our lives as we settle into our new home. And we find ways to use our time and money to serve our family, community and church.

Pinterest Moms Are Not Trying To Make You Look Bad

There has been a blog post being cycled around simplicity groups for a couple years now. Essentially it says moms are going overboard with the holidays and to please "bring it down a notch". Essentially her children expect Easter Bunny footprints and coins and Leprachaun traps on St. Patty's Day. Here it is if you haven't seen it yet and are interested in reading it yourself.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kristen-howerton/can-we-bring-the-holidays_b_2903040.html

My reaction is the exact opposite that I have seen on the average minimalist board. My first thought is stop letting peer pressure bother you! AND teach your kids not to buy into it. Someone else has something or does something and her kids want it too. "I want to hide coins like the other kids." "I want a pie because someone at school talked about it for Pi Day." "Dr Seuss happened at school and I want it to happen at home." When that child gets a few years older you know what they will be saying? Where's my iPhone? Where's my car? Where's my Aeropostale shirt? That woman is going to be longing for the days when all her kids asked her to do was hide some coins.

I wish this woman would take this opportunity to talk about their own family's belief systems and traditions. A math teacher I know has said she will be having pie on Pi Day. That doesn't mean math is special to me and I should do it. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with her choosing to do it. Use it as an opportunity to talk about simplicity and minimalism if that is why you are choosing not to do it. Let them have their Dr. Seuss fun at school and tell them that Dr. Seuss was a great author of children's books and it was appropriate to celebrate that at school or at the library but maybe not in our home.... or maybe in your home too if he happens to be your child's favorite author. Your child is not going to be shunned if you don't bring candy to school on Valentine's Day. The other kids won't even know. By the time those boxes get opened, half the candy has fallen off the card, the kids are ripping it to open it. My son has no idea who gave him what. Wanting to put candy on the card is again just wanting to do what everyone else does, peer pressure.

I don't do Santa. I don't do Elf on a Shelf. I don't leave footprints from the Easter bunny. I didn't leave out any gold coins for St. Patrick's Day. We do make Resurrection rolls. We do a lego/day for advent. We do make a big deal out of report card day.... but I am getting ahead of myself. My point is.... decide what is important to you and do it! And stop judging other people who are having fun and learn that sometimes one person can have something and another person doesn't have it. Everyone's life is different and that is ok.

"I grew up in troubled, angry, and unpredictable family. One thing proved a small but weighty anchor for me: family holiday traditions. We didn't have Norman Rockwell holidays; ours were a much less funny version of the Honeymooners. But a base of security was laid down for me in the predictability cycle of heart shaped Jello for Valentine's Day and Easter baskets and Thanksgiving salad in that special bowl. No matter what was going on, these traditions went on, and they strengthened me. I counted on them and they were there, year in and year out. Red heart shaped Jello, for crying out loud. Such a little thing. But red heart shaped Jello year after year after year after year was something else entirely."
Treasuring God in our Traditions by Noel Piper

Someone bought me this sweet book not long after Luke was born. And we began to talk about what our family would do to celebrate. To celebrate Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Birthdays and Valentine's Day. DH would share with me what his family did. Often looking reflective and content as he spoke. Then I would share how my family had celebrated the same day entirely differently. One family was allowed to open a gift on Christmas Eve, the other was not. And it was up to us to decide. What would our family do? When making these decisions, it is super important to take into account who you are, what is important to you, what you cherish or, as Noel Piper writes about, what you treasure. It should look different for everyone. It doesn't matter what the neighbors are doing. It doesn't matter what our parents did. The decision is now ours.

I became a minimalist so that I could spend more time on the things that really matter. Yet I waste much of my time and sometimes get busy with things I wish I didn't have to. For me, I love having something to celebrate with my kids once/ month. I think it gives rhythm and meaning to our lives. On Valentine's Day, I slow down. I tell my kids I love them, cut out paper hearts, make heart cookies, get on Pinterest and pick out the Valentine they want to share with their friends. And since I am a minimalist, I have the time to do it. I'm not doing it to impress anyone. I do it strictly for them. We aren't being commercial. We aren't buying a bunch of junk. I think it fits in with our minimalist lifestyle very well. We are just spending quality time together. Are people really writing articles and getting angry because other moms are choosing to spend quality time with their kids? For Easter we don't do the Easter bunny we do Resurrection Rolls because we are Christian and I am teaching my children what I value. This is about our family and how we do things. Not about how other people do things. And I won't be peer pressured out of it.

The Effects of the Mall on my Four Year Old

Christmas is coming. The "I wants" show up every year at this time. I may have mentioned before what my kids sound like when they have a case of the "I wants". Say "I want" 10 times fast. "I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want". The Moderately Minimalist 4 year old has a serious case of the "I wants". He asked me how many gifts he would be opening on Christmas. I said 4. He started to cry. He says he wants 10 gifts. He has only asked me for 3 things. He wants Batman legos, Spiderman legos, and Spiderman paint. I asked him, what 10 things do you want? He named the same 3 things. I pointed out that he only has 3 things on his list. He couldn't name anything else. His heart just wants. But he has no idea what it wants.

Last night the Moderately Minimalist Family went to the mall. We went to see the mall decorations and eat an Auntie Anne's pretzel. Nintendo was camped out in the center of the mall demonstrating video games. The Moderately Minimalist 10 year old had a blast trying them out. The Moderately Minimalist 4 year old cried that we didn't get to take them home. We browsed through the Disney store on the way out. The kids got to watch part of a movie in there while coloring a picture. The 4 year old asked, "Can I buy a toy?" Did you catch that phrase? "A toy". But he didn't say "that Toy Story toy" or that "Inside Out toy". Any toy will do. The "I wants" were there again. Wanting, but not even knowing what he wanted.

On the way home he began to cry again. He said he wanted to open 10 presents on Christmas. I again asked him what he specifically wanted, to show him that there were only 3 things on his list. But this time, fresh from the mall, his list was much longer. He named everything he had just seen. My heart fell. The mall had given his "I wants" names. Now he had named all ten of them. Now that they have names, they will be harder to do battle against.

The problem is not the mall. Neither is the problem TV. We will continue to avoid them both because they make the battle harder. But the "I wants" were there before we pulled into the parking lot. The mall just gave them names. The true source of the "I wants" is in our hearts. I am not so different from my four year old. Give me 20 bucks and send me into the Container Store or Barnes and Noble, and I will come out with a purchase. My heart is wanting also. All of our hearts want. The source of these wants runs deep. It runs all the way back to that Garden where Eve and then Adam choose to eat that apple that they were told not to eat. They wanted it. And we have all been wanting since. The only cure for the empty place in our hearts came to earth, born as a baby, living the perfect life and died so that we can be whole and complete again. Only in Him will all of our wants be filled. Not temporarily filled until next year when we have new wants. But a forever filled of all the wants, both the ones that have names, and the ones that don't.

Remembering Grandma

Sorry I have been missing in action. My husband's grandfather passed away. This caused an unexpected trip to New York for the funeral. When we returned, there was one full week's worth of laundry to do. I typically only do one load per day. So a week's worth felt daunting. Then there was helping my 5th grader catch up on his homework. Reading the mail that arrived while we were gone. All of those things you would do when returning from a business trip or vacation away for a week. It is times like these when I am so happy we live the simple life. Schoolwork and laundry are not anything to fret over. And one week after returning we have caught up on everything.

But I have become side tracked before even beginning my reason for writing today. While I was in New York I was asked to look at some of my husband's late grandmother's jewelry. Being moderately minimalist, I don't wear a lot of jewelry. I wear my wedding/ engagement ring and earrings. Though I rarely change my earrings. I usually wear the same studs day in and day out, only changing them for special occasions. All of my jewelry fits into a tiny jewelry box. This is one of the things that frustrates my husband about me. He says it isn't any fun buying me nice things because I don't love things. So buying a ring or necklace for our anniversary will only work if there is some sort of sentimental purpose behind it, such as my necklace with my kids' birthstones.

Women each have a very unique style of their own. It is rare that women would choose the same clothes, the same shoes, the same jewelry. Stores know this and offer a great variety. And as I looked through her jewelry, I couldn't help but think that, while it was pretty, most of it was not my style. She loved birds, and had a bird necklace, so I took that because it reminded me of her. There were several pairs of pearl earrings, so I also took one of those. And oddly, she had very small fingers like I do, size 4. So I took a few rings. My husband's aunt was looking through it all with me and commented on the bag. She said she would never store her jewelry that way. I smiled, because I would. How perfect! Here I had been looking at all of her jewelry when the perfect keepsake to remember her was the jewelry bag itself. I love it. It has her initials monogrammed on it. Whenever I touch it I think about how she would have held it in her hands as she got ready to go out. It is sentimental, but also so practical, which I love.

We strive to be minimalists. We don't strive to be nothingists. I feel at peace about choosing a material thing to remember someone by. But that thing doesn't have to be a knick knack that needs dusted. It doesn't have to be an entire bookcase of things that each have sentimental value. The truth is that most of our memories live in our hearts. A picture or material thing may bring that memory back to the surface. But it doesn't help you hear their laugh or feel their soft skin. Those memories live on in our hearts. So I don't feel guilty about not taking a lot of material things. It doesn't mean I didn't love that person. It doesn't mean that their stuff wasn't bringing joy and beauty to their lives. It means that we know what brings joy and beauty to our lives and those are the only things we are surrounding ourselves with. I am already enjoying her jewelry bag.

How have you remembered the special people in your life? Do you have something that every time you look at it brings back sweet memories of a loved one?

September Challenge: The Minimalist Game Day 1

Every September, for the last 3 years, I have played the minimalist game. http://www.theminimalists.com/game/ The game was invented by The Minimalists, Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus. On day 1, you get rid of one thing. Day 2, you get rid of two things. Day 3..... you guessed it. You get rid of three things. Some people do categories. They would count three pairs of socks as one thing. Some people do objects and they count three pairs of socks as three things. The first year I did it, I did categories. It cleaned out my home. By the time I was finished, I actually felt like a minimalist. Granted, I have parted ways with even more stuff since then. But even at one item instead of one category, you will get rid of over 400 things!! That is a life changing experience! Making room for what really matters in life.

I challenge you to come along with me. Now is the perfect time. Forget any excuses you are making. If you don't do it now, the perfect time will never come along. Don't look at it and say, but I could never get rid of 400 things in the next month. Just get rid of one thing today. You can do that! And at the end of September we will have clean homes, ready to go into the holidays. Most of us receive gifts during the holidays, and if we don't make room in advance, we will become overwhelmed. So come along with me. What will you get rid of today?

One kid's meal toy gone.

About That Box....

This weekend a new friend was discussing moving. She moved to our area 2 months ago. She has yet to unpack all of the boxes. I was reminiscing my last two moves. When I moved into my house 14 years ago, I had so much stuff. I can't really even define how long it took to unpack. It was a very gradual process. I remember going out to the garage one year after moving and thinking I had better open the last few boxes so that unpacking wouldn't take longer than a year. I can't even fathom that kind of thinking now. I had boxes with stuff in them for a year. I clearly didn't need whatever was in them. I don't remember what was in them.

Then 4 years ago I found out I would be moving again. This time I was moving from an 1850 sq. ft. house into a 1250 sq. ft. apartment. I knew it couldn't all fit. I was moving from a house with 24 kitchen cabinets to an apartment with 14 kitchen cabinets. So I began to give half my stuff away. I had dishes that I used in the winter and dishes I used in the summer. (Yes, I know. I started off with a crazy amount of stuff.) As I got rid of my stuff life became so much easier. I got rid of dishes I didn't use. I got rid of movies that I hadn't seen in 10 years. I got rid of college text books that were no longer relevant to our fields of study. I got rid of the notes that went along with those text books. I got rid of clothes that didn't fit. I got rid of books that I had no desire to read again. The list goes on and on. This time when I moved, it took 2 guys 4 hours to pack our home into boxes. And it took me one week to unpack all of those boxes and put away everything in our apartment. The point is not to boast in how fast I got it done, but to show the contrast. My first move took a year my second move took a week. That is a picture of how minimizing simplifies life.

I'm going to venture a guess that whatever is in the boxes that my friend hasn't yet unpacked, isn't needed. It probably isn't even loved or helpful. Or it would already be unpacked. About that box... Do you have a box like that? Do you have more than one box like that? Boxes left over from your last move? Perhaps you don't even know what is in it? I challenge you. I challenge you to get rid of that box, without even opening it to see what is in it. I know you are thinking, what if there is something important in there? There isn't. If there were, you would at least remember it, and probably would have already torn it open looking for it. If you refuse to get rid of that box without looking inside, I challenge you to take care of it in September. If by September 30th you have not felt the urgency to look into it, will you get rid of it on September 30th? You will feel so much better knowing you have finally finished your move.

Week End Observations

My clothes dryer died on Monday. I tried to fix it myself, because I am stubborn like that. I only succeeded in shocking myself. I guess I should have unplugged it first. Lesson Learned, and not trying that again. This meant I had no clothes dryer from Monday until Saturday when the moderately minimalist husband will help me choose and purchase a new dryer. Mostly, it was totally fine. Since we are minimalists, I keep up on the laundry so that people always have something to wear, in spite of having fewer clothes than the average family. So when the dryer died, no big deal. There were no dirty clothes. Score one for minimalism!

Transparency and honesty are super important to me. So I am going to tell you, having no dryer was nerve wracking. The moderately minimalist husband has 4 button down shirts and a few polo shirts. His dress code at work is a button down shirt and tie Monday- Friday. He was wearing one of the shirts when the dryer died. This meant if he spilled something at breakfast on any of the shirts, I would need to go to the laundry mat or the dry cleaners. He did not. Score one for the moderately minimalist husband! The moderately minimalist children do not have very many pajamas. And they got them dirty. This meant I had to do some washing and line dry a few things. Their PJs weren't as soft as usual, but nobody was any worse for the wear.

My other observation from this week reminded me why I live this life. This week was bumpy. The dryer died, I received news about a family member that was hard to hear and needs to be dealt with, my email was hacked, and I think still not working properly as I have not received an email since it happened. By Friday, I just wanted comfort. So I decided I wasn't going to do anything I didn't want to on Friday. Take the day off. I already take Sunday off, so I know this is possible. Though there are only so many days you can take off in a week and have the home still function well. Friday I decided no laundry (of course), no cleaning, no errands. I ate a meal out, baked cookies with the kids, read stories to my four year old. And my home around me waited. There weren't piles needing dealt with. There weren't tasks left undone. My four year old drifted off to sleep as I read to him and rocked him. And as his eyes closed and that content little smile appeared on his face, all was well.

Get Rid of the Weeds

We're like a gardener with a hose and our attention is water - we can water flowers or we can water weeds. -Josh Radnor

I often find lessons from nature that apply to everyday life. A few weeks ago I spent a few weeks at my elderly mother's house. She needed a few jobs done in her yard. She had some little trees sprouting up where they shouldn't be. And her garden was completely overcome by weeds and quickly growing out of control. This is the garden my parents had when I was a little girl. My father passed away years ago and my mother has given up on growing anything in this garden. Her hope at this point is to keep the weeds from overtaking her yard. As I took the tools to the weeds and began chopping things down, I discovered 3 pink flowers in the middle of it all. I couldn't even see them when I had started. All you could see were the unwanted weeds everywhere. But there they were, pretty, strong and growing in the midst of it all.

Those pink flowers remind me of the clutter in our homes. Many of us have a candle holder, or photo frame or maybe a small vase that makes us smile when we see it. Perhaps it sits on the kitchen counter or on a table near the front door. When we allow the unwanted stuff to overcome, that object no longer brings us joy from its beauty. If it is in the kitchen it may be overcome by some dishes, kitchen towels, children's artwork that they brought us while we were cooking, caddies filled with utensils, appliances, the knife block, the list goes on and on. If the object resides by the front door, it may be covered by mail, the newspaper, backpacks, purses, gloves, keys, library books, again the list goes on and on. It is only when we declutter the areas in our home of the unwanted things (weeds) that we begin to see and enjoy the beauty in what is left around us. Being minimalist doesn't mean I don't find beauty in objects. Being a minimalist means I only keep objects that are useful or have beauty.

Those pink flowers also remind me of the clutter in my schedule. I do so many things each day that have nothing to do with the priorities in my life. Whether it be clicking articles while looking up info on the internet, social media, 15 minutes of that cooking show, 20 minutes of the weather channel. Too many unwanted items in our schedule prevent us from seeing the beauty in our lives. Watching how an older brother helps a younger brother with homework, seeing an older sister share her ice cream, having time to listen to that knock- knock joke, which brings the privilege of hearing all that laughter, having the time to read the Bible passage for today. At the end of the day I can say I didn't have enough time for the things I wanted to do or I can declutter my day from the weeds that prevent me from living the life I want to live.

Look around your home and schedule this week. See if you find any weeds. Then set aside some time to spend getting rid of the weeds, so you can enjoy the flowers all the more.

Before My Moderately Minimalist Life

Recently contemplating life before minimalism, and so thankful I made a change.

Before: I spent a very long time to cook and clean up from dinner. I had 3 sets of "everyday" dishes, "everyday" glasses, etc. they were kept in different cabinets in different parts of the kitchen. I had the mixing bowl for pancakes, the bowl for popcorn, the bowl I made mashed potatoes in, if it took a bowl, I had a special bowl for each task. I was moving back and forth across my kitchen managing everything.

After: All of my dishes and glasses fit in one cabinet within reach of the dishwasher. I save so much time not walking back and forth retrieving mixing bowls and putting away dishes.

Before: I lost things daily. And they were not readily found or seen. There was so much stuff around that it was very hard to "see" things. To find my keys meant picking things up, checking under them. Looking behind home décor and stuff that had no home.

After: I lose things daily. Don't judge! My brain is crazy. But now I find things in less than 5 minutes. There is nothing for my keys to hide under or behind.

Related before: I couldn't find a notebook. I wasn't sure if I had one. Nothing had a home, or place to put it. I went and bought another one.

Related after: I have 4 notebooks on hand, and I know exactly where they are. This saves me both time and money.

Before: I spent 2 weekends/ year cleaning out the garage.

After: I have no garage, attic or basement. And no need for one.

Before: Husband complained that the toys were taking over our home.

After: Happy husband. Every toy in our home can be picked up in 5 minutes and 20 seconds.

Before: I said yes to everyone. If you needed help, I was there. I was losing sleep keeping up with my life, and everyone's life around me.

After: I help those who truly need help. Some people are drowning and it is their own making. Painful, but true. If I have the time and you really need help, I still take a meal or watch children. Now I have the time to do that.

Before: I needed one day to get ready for someone coming over.

After: I need 10 minutes to get ready for someone coming over.

Bottom Line:

Before: I was spending a lot of time, energy and money to maintain this stuff that was supposed to make my life happier.

After: I have a lot less stuff and more time to spend with my family and community, which makes me happier.

What can you do in 15 minutes?

I am still reading Crystal Paine. I have reached her section on accomplishing goals. Initially I was doubtful of her advice. She says to tackle your goals with 15 minutes/ day. I chuckled. 15 minutes isn't long. How will that accomplish my goals? I will never get there, with such a small allotment of time. Then she began to add it up for me. 15 minutes/ day is 105 minutes or 1 hour 35 minutes/ week. I can get something done in 1 hour 35 minutes. 15 minutes/ day is 450 minutes or 7 hours 30 minutes/ month. I can get something done in 7 hours and 30 minutes. 15 minutes/ day is 5460 minutes or 91 hours/ year. I can accomplish my current goal in 91 hours.

I have been looking at things all wrong. I have been looking for an hour and a half to set aside each week. But I was looking for the 90 minutes consecutively. And with 2 small children, a husband and home to care for, friends and extended family to nurture and a church community to be involved in, I may never have 90 minutes consecutively for the next year. But I have 15 minutes/ day. It is precisely because it is such a small amount of time to commit to, that I believe it may work.

My goal is to show thousands of people how minimalism can change their life for the better. My goal is for people to see that what we do matters much more than what we own. In 15 minutes/ day I can:

Write on a minimalist message board.
Take photos for this blog.
Write down ideas for this blog.
Give a friend advice on how to declutter her kitchen.
Go through a cabinet or drawer and give away what I am not using.

Crystal Paine is a genius. And look at her with her blog and books, she really is. This plan helped her accomplish her goals and I am praying it will help me accomplish mine as well.

What is your goal? What can you accomplish in 15 minutes/ day that will move you closer to that goal?

Busyness Does Not Equal Productivity

I was reading a book by Crystal Paine. The topic being schedules. A minimalist schedule is important because it keeps my life simple. Simple is the reason I am minimalist to begin with. The question she was asking the reader to consider: Are the things I am spending my time on helping me to achieve my goals? She suggest writing down the first 5-6 priorities in my life. Then take a look at my schedule. Am I spending the bulk of my time on things which are priorities for me?

I thought this exercise would be much easier than it turned out to be. My first attempt looked like this:
1. Faith
2. Marriage
3. Being a Mama
4. Church
5. Blog/ Message Board/ Promoting Minimalism
6. Healthy Diet
Then I thought, being a mama is too broad. If I spent 3 hours with Luke and 0 with Drew, I would be dissatisfied. Both of my children are a priority. Though don't ask me what I would have done if I had 8 kids. And my church is really an outflow of my faith.
1. Faith/ Church
2. Marriage
3. Being a Mama Luke
4. Church Drew
5. Blog/ Message Board/ Promoting Minimalism
6. Healthy Diet
I compared my to do list with my priority list and saw another problem. I spend a chunk of time each day cleaning. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, scrubbing toilets, it all needs done. I can't devote that much time to it and claim it isn't a priority. But she said to only list 6 priorities.
1. Faith/ Church
2. Marriage
3. Being a Mama Luke
4. Church Drew Cleaning
5. Blog/ Message Board/ Promoting Minimalism
6. Healthy Diet
I don't see where my running/ exercise fits into all of this. And there isn't anything else to combine or get rid of.

My take away lesson from this exercise is that the time we have each day is precious. I waste a ridiculous amount of it on things like Facebook, insignificant texting and some days, Netflix. My goal is to sleep 8 hours/ day. If I spend an hour grooming such as showering and brushing my teeth or washing my hands, that only leaves 15 hours. I spend more than 2 hours/ day preparing food or eating. That leaves 13 hours to complete 6 priorities. And we haven't yet added how much time I spend in my car or waiting at the bus stop. Every minute of every day I have a choice. How am I going to spend my time? Am I going to spend the next hour moving toward my goals or standing still? Knowing my priorities and goals has been my first step.

Nonconforming Luggage

Every summer my kids and I travel 500 miles to visit my mom for two weeks. It is one of the best parts of the summer. My mom and I share the cooking. We share the dinner clean up. She helps me with my children. My sister, a children's librarian, reads them their bedtime story. It is the kind of vacation that I come back feeling refreshed instead of feeling like I need a vacation from the vacation.

The one dilemma that I face every year is how to store the clothes while we are there. Since we don't take very many clothes, they all fit in one suitcase. However, I don't like living out of a suitcase while I am there. And I don't like stacking them in piles because they all fall over. One of my kids goes looking for a certain shirt and we end up with clothes everywhere. Then I started thinking, why am I taking a suitcase? Because that is what people use when they travel, right? Very little of my life conforms to the rest of the world. Why would my luggage? I started thinking, we just need a little dresser for while we are there. Something with 3 little drawers... I have something with three little drawers! Our art storage has three drawers. Instead of packing our clothes in a suitcase this year, I am packing our clothes into this little cart and taking it with us. I purchased a pop up hamper to use as a hamper, and it should all function just like at home.

This solution works because we are minimalists. I cannot imagine this working for some women. We only take 4 outfits for the 10 year old and I. We take 5 outfits for the 4 year old because 4 year olds get messy faster. I will be doing laundry every 4 days, on vacation. I am sure that idea of doing laundry on vacation disgusts some people. Personally, I feel like vacation is doing life in a different location. Laundry does not bother me. My mom is already helping with the cooking, cleaning and children. So this is a win. At least that is what I think now. I will update after we try it, to see if it works as well as I think it will.

The real lesson learned here is bigger than a luggage solution. The real lesson here has been reinforced with every step of my minimalist journey. Stop doing things the way everyone around me does. It may or may not work for them. That does not mean it will work for me. It may not even work all that well for them, they may be behaving like everyone around them. It is ok to be different. It is ok to search out new solutions. That is the best way to find what works for ourselves and our family.

Is It Better To Sell Or Donate?

Is it better to sell or donate? My usual response is going to be to answer a question with more questions. Everyone needs to examine our own situation. Let's look at some different venues for selling the items we declutter. And look at the strengths and weaknesses of each one.

Garage Sale- One of the most common ways people sell their unwanted possessions is through a garage sale. Some questions to ask when considering this option? Is there enough stuff to attract buyers? Do you have a free weekend to commit to this? Would a few hundred dollars be worth hours of work? Could you take the same number of hours and make more money at your place of employment?
Positives: Garage sales do not have to take hours of prep. You can set up tables and put up signs. All shirts $1. All pants $2. Books .50. The bulk of the time will be on the weekend when the sale happens. It will require your undivided attention for at least 8 hours each day. Once the garage sale is over, your work is done. There is no delivering, packing, or shipping.
Negatives: Low return for your money. Personally, I will not pay more than 10-25% of original price at a garage sale. This method requires the entire weekend.

Facebook/ Craigslist- The most recently popular means of getting rid of clutter has been through Facebook sale sites and craigslist. Some questions to ask when considering this option? Is this item of a high value, that I cannot return the money in another method? Is it too heavy to be shipped? Is it something that couldn't be sold at a children's consignment sale?
Positives: For someone who works long hours, this method could be done anytime of day. It does not require a weekend. It is the least time consuming. It takes 5 minutes to list it. If you meet someone nearby, you can drop it off in a few minutes also.
Negatives: I know many people that have been stood up. Meeting 2 to 3 people because the first 1 or 2 have canceled is not saving time. And you have to consider how much gas you are using making those 3 trips. I hate to even mention it, but I will never use this method because I see it as unsafe. Our local preschool teacher and her husband were killed at a craigslist transaction. They were selling their car and had their car stolen. If you do this form of sale, please do it in the parking lot of a police station.

Consignment Sale/ Resale Shop- This is my favorite method of getting rid of unwanted stuff. Some questions to ask yourself when considering this option? Are you selling children's things? I appreciate this form of sale because at this point in my life, most of what I am getting rid of is stuff my kids are outgrowing. Are the items in great condition? Is it the right season to sell it?
Positives: A lot of money can be made at a consignment sale. Many times, if the item is popular, such as Legos, you can get 50% of original purchase price. That is far more than can be made at a garage sale. Someone else is selling it, so it doesn't require an entire weekend off. It requires time to input the items, but that can be worked on any time of day or night.
Negatives: Consignment sale people are picky. Even if there are no stains, if it looks worn, they won't take it. If it is the wrong season, they won't take it. So if you want to sell your kids' outdoor toys at the end of the summer, you have to store them somewhere during the winter. Some people think it takes too long to enter all of the data into the computer. I, personally, don't think it takes that long. You do have to make sure you know all of their rules. Make sure the hanger is facing the correct way, the clothes are pinned on correctly and the tags are attached properly. I usually take one Saturday afternoon to do it all. My husband takes the kiddos for a trip and I get it all done in about 6 hours.

eBay- eBay was once a favorite pick for people selling unwanted stuff. It's popularity isn't as high as it was 10 years ago. Some questions to ask when considering this option? Is this a rare item? Is this a collector's piece? How much would shipping cost? Would someone pay that much to have it shipped?
Positives: Putting something up for sale on eBay does not require much time. It can be done at any time day or night. If it is a rare item, it may be the best method for regaining your money. Millions of people shop on eBay. It is now an international market. A rare baseball card may not attract the right customer at a garage sale. But with eBay someone looking for your rare baseball card can find that card, and you to sell it to them.
Negatives: The market on eBay is oversaturated. If you go to eBay right now and type in Mickey Mouse clock, over 1,000 items come up. The supply/ demand rule tells us that when there is that much supply, and little demand, the price of the item goes down. Additionally, you have to include shipping in the price. Included with the shipping I would require proof of delivery because I have experience with more than one customer saying they didn't receive what I shipped. You also have to buy shipping materials. And if it is breakable and expensive, shipping insurance.

One last consideration. Our time is worth money. Our peace of mind is worth money. Most people are on this minimalist journey because they want a simpler, easier life with more free time. Holding onto this stuff for months waiting for the right buyer, or the right season for a garage sale, is that much more time and freedom this stuff is being allowed to take from you. When we donate our stuff, it is an act of compassion. Whether we give it to someone for free or we give it to an organization that will sell it for the fraction of the original price, we have helped someone in our community. Is it better to sell or donate? Only you know the answer to that question.

The Gift of Presence

The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. -Thich Nhat Hanh

Ten year old boys are tricky. I am still in shock that I have one already. He wants me nearby, but he doesn't want me or anyone else to know it. He wants me to tuck him in bed, but I can't hug him at the bus stop anymore. He needs his mama. But he also needs his mama to be present in a way that acknowledges he is getting older.

This week we created a squad of superheroes and villains. He loves to make up stories. Usually those stories are about the plastic superheroes for which he has so much affection. It allows him some creativity, but it restricts him. It is like coloring a picture instead of drawing his own. He has to stay in someone else's lines. He is using someone else's ideas, names and nemesis. I wanted to give him a blank slate, while taking advantage of spending some quality time together doing what he loves.

This project is easy, inexpensive, and doesn't take long. I bought a package of 8 wooden pegs at Hobby Lobby for 4 dollars. The only other supply needed is acrylic paint and brushes. We painted on capes, masks, and Luke chose an element to put on each superheroes chest. He has named them the Elemental Eight. There are heroes and villains among them. They all have powers and names that he thought of himself. All while spending time with his mama. Diving into the world of a ten year old boy for an afternoon was as much a gift to me and Luke as the new superheroes. One afternoon and hopefully memories that will last us both a lifetime.

No One Has Ever Become Poor by Giving. -Anne Frank

All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. Acts 4:32

Could you imagine if we shared everything? No I am not a communist. I don't mean taking things from people and giving them to other people. I mean people wanting, choosing, desiring to share possessions, time, resources. People in the early church lived in this manner. They knew everything comes from God, we are mere stewards. In essence, a steward is a manager. When we die, we can't take our possessions, time or resources with us. They are on loan to us while we walk the earth.

What does it look like to be a good steward with possessions? Suppose you make a dress for your daughter, what do you do with the leftover fabric? Suppose you read a book, what do you do with it when you are finished? Can I make a suggestion? Pass it on. Give the fabric to someone who makes quilts. Don't know someone who makes quilts? Take it to Goodwill where someone can find it for half the price they would pay in the store. Give the book to a neighbor or a friend. Why don't we do that? The most common answer people give me, "I paid for it." I recognize that someone has to make the original purchase, but holding onto it doesn't get our money back. Passing it on actually makes the purchase more worthwhile. Can you imagine what would happen if we all shared the things we aren't using? We teach our children to share. I think it is time to start modeling for them what that looks like as we grow older.

What does it look like to be a good steward with our time? Since getting rid of half my possessions, I have more time. Less time buying, cleaning, sorting and organizing. More time to do what I want to do. I could spend it on social media, and I do. I could spend it on running for health reasons, and I do. But I can also spend some of my time in service to others. Have a friend who just had a baby and needs a meal? Have a friend who is sick and needs some groceries? Have a friend who works and their babysitter fell through? Time can be as much a gift as possessions. I have regretted afternoons spent on the computer. Rarely have I regretted serving a friend or family member.

Will you try it this week? Look for one thing in your home to give to a friend or family member who could use it. And consider spending one hour this week in service to someone in your community. Let's share everything we have.

Corrosive Play

I am reading Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. This book is convicting that my children's world is not what I had hoped it would be. Payne discusses the dreams that we had before our children are born. He mentions pink paper handmade Valentines. Is their environment a reflection of that dream?

Specifically, I am on the chapter about environment. Even more specifically, those who know me, know toys are the hardest area for me to be minimal. I started this minimalist journey after most of these toys had been purchased. Payne talks about 2 things I wish I could change. They are linked to each other. One is to not have "corrosive toys". He isn't talking about squirt guns. He is talking about the guns and bombs that really look like guns and bombs. While, we don't have those, we have The Hulk. When my 4 year old plays with The Hulk, you know it is corrosive play. It isn't creative play. It is play that smashes everything. The second idea Payne discusses is having an ad free perimeter around your child. Fail #2. My children are obsessed with super heroes. They have just about every superhero ever heard of... 25 of them anyway. All plastic, Imaginext to be exact.

In an attempt this week to encourage creative productive play, we bought these construction toys. I filled a box of beans and handed the 4 year old the construction vehicles. He spent an hour pushing beans around, hiding toys in the beans, pouring the beans from one hand to the other. This is the kind of play I dreamed about before I had my children.... Then he went and found his super heroes and had an epic battle in the beans, which I am mostly ok with. Life is about balance. I would never take his superheroes from him. On the other hand, it was nice to see him play with something else for an hour. We took a step in the right direction.

How Much is Enough?

In my last post, How Much is Too Much, I shared some examples of what too much looks like. So, how much is enough? I get this question every time someone begins down sizing. How many towels do I need? How many toys should my kids have? How many dishes should I have? How many pots and pans should I have? How many clothes should I have?

There is no magic number. What I try to teach people is to ask themselves questions. If you can find the right question, you can find the right answer, for your life situation. Using the questions already raised, here are the questions I would ask myself.

How many bath towels are enough?
How many people are in your family? How often do you do laundry? How often do you have out of town guests staying with you? What is the maximum number of people using towels in your home, if you have all of your guests there?

How many toys should my kids have?
How many kids do you have? How often do other children come over to play? How long does it take them to pick up toys? Are they good at maintaining their toys and keeping them picked up? Are they even able to pick them up if they are all out at the same time?

How many dishes should I have?
How many members are in your family? How often do you wash the dishes? How often do guests visit? Do you use paper plates when you have a large group of guests? Do you want special dishes for holidays? Have you ever used your china? (Don't keep it if you aren't going to use it. But really, just use it! Then keeping it will be a joy not a burden.)

How many pots and pans should I have?
Who does the cooking? Could you use the larger saucepan instead of the smaller saucepan, and donate the smaller saucepan? How often do you make big meals?

How many clothes should I have?
How often do you do laundry? Do you need to wear more formal or more casual clothing? Is there anything that you have been saving because you don't fit into it? (If it hasn't happened in a year, it isn't going to happen before it goes out of style. Let it go. Embrace what you look like now.) Is there anything that you save for a special occasion that never happens? Is there anything that you aren't wearing because you don't like it but it is sentimental. (Take a picture of it.)

And if all else fails... Don't ask yourself if you COULD ever use it again. Ask yourself if you will ever NEED it again, and how much it would cost to replace. Pick an amount you are comfortable with. For many people that amount is 20 dollars. If you get rid of it, and it turns out you need it, run to Target and buy it for 20 bucks. When unsure about how many of something to keep, ask yourself a question. Then you will know just the right amount for your situation.

How Much is Too Much?

Why moderately minimalist? A friend commented to me today that she doesn't think many minimalists would call themselves moderate. I chuckled. Probably not. So why do I? I do not want the smallest amount possible -minimal. The moderately minimalist approach was a reaction to my previous way of life -too much.

When does it all become too much? You know it is too much when you can't fit one car into a 3 car garage. You know it is too much when you can't set the groceries down on the kitchen counter without first clearing it off. You know it is too much when it takes children longer to clean up the toys than they spent playing with them. You know it is too much when you go to grab a storage container and they all fall out on your head. You know it is too much when you are too embarrassed by the mess to have friends visit.

While on the surface we believed society when they told us all of that stuff meant we were living the American dream, deep in our souls we knew we were beginning to drown. Instead of our stuff serving us, the way we imagined it when we bought it, we spent our free time serving our stuff. Buying it, cleaning it, organizing it, displaying it, moving it again. We came to the end of our consumer selves. Now we see stuff for what it is, just stuff. We are not anti-stuff. If the stuff is serving a purpose, cooking our food, clothing our body, playing music, it can stay. It is only the useless stuff, the stuff that hasn't been used in 6 months that has to go. As that stuff goes out the door, so does the time it took to maintain the stuff. Now that time is mine. Now the car can go in the garage. The groceries can be set on the counter. The children have more time to play. And friends can come to visit. Freedom.

Celebrating Dad

Being true to our moderately minimalist philosophy, we celebrated Father's Day with experiences. Saturday night, our 10 year old took his dad out for Chinese food. I don't like ginger. It is very hard for someone who doesn't like ginger to eat Chinese food. My husband is forever complaining that he doesn't get enough Chinese food in his life. My ten year old likes all the food. All food, everywhere. And at the moment, he likes all food, everywhere, and lots of it. He must be growing. So it was the perfect match. They ate their Chinese food while the 4 year old and I stayed home and made ice cream cake. Yum! Then after church today, the kids gave him their homemade cards and I made steak fajitas. He felt appreciated. There is nothing to wash or organize or put away as the result. That makes everyone happy.

Moderately Minimalist in the Toy Department

"How many toys do you have?" I get this question more than any other question. People ask me what I think is the right number of cars? The right number of dolls? The right number of stuffed animals? There is no magic number.

There are many things I consider when deciding how many toys to allow my children. Here are the top 3 things I consider:
1. My children only have 2 hands each. Children do not need 30 dinosaurs. They only have 2 hands. Even with two of them playing, they would need to put down the two dinosaurs they were playing with, and pick up a different two at least 7 times. For 2 boys, 8-10 dinosaurs is more than enough. The same theory goes for cars, Barbies, action figures, stuffed animals, etc.
2. How much space are the toys allowed? All of our toys go on a book shelf. They all have to fit. (We do have a trunk for Duplos because with the size and nature of Duplos, they wouldn't fit well on a shelf.) All of the dinosaurs, cars, action figures and blocks have to fit on the shelf.
3. How long does it take to pick up every toy in our home, should they all get pulled out? In our home, 5 minutes and 20 seconds. The moderately minimalist dad hates coming home to toys all over. So 30 minutes before he is scheduled to come home, the boys are told to put it all away. To make it fun one day, I asked if I could time them. To put away every toy in our entire home takes 5 minutes and 20 seconds. That is a number that seems reasonable to me. Find a number that is reasonable to you. The next time the toys are all out, tell the kids they have to beat the timer.

There is a common misconception that more toys make children more creative. It isn't true. A child who has a toy space ship will never turn an oatmeal container into a space ship. Taking away toys encourages children to use their imaginations.