How Much is Enough?

In my last post, How Much is Too Much, I shared some examples of what too much looks like. So, how much is enough? I get this question every time someone begins down sizing. How many towels do I need? How many toys should my kids have? How many dishes should I have? How many pots and pans should I have? How many clothes should I have?

There is no magic number. What I try to teach people is to ask themselves questions. If you can find the right question, you can find the right answer, for your life situation. Using the questions already raised, here are the questions I would ask myself.

How many bath towels are enough?
How many people are in your family? How often do you do laundry? How often do you have out of town guests staying with you? What is the maximum number of people using towels in your home, if you have all of your guests there?

How many toys should my kids have?
How many kids do you have? How often do other children come over to play? How long does it take them to pick up toys? Are they good at maintaining their toys and keeping them picked up? Are they even able to pick them up if they are all out at the same time?

How many dishes should I have?
How many members are in your family? How often do you wash the dishes? How often do guests visit? Do you use paper plates when you have a large group of guests? Do you want special dishes for holidays? Have you ever used your china? (Don't keep it if you aren't going to use it. But really, just use it! Then keeping it will be a joy not a burden.)

How many pots and pans should I have?
Who does the cooking? Could you use the larger saucepan instead of the smaller saucepan, and donate the smaller saucepan? How often do you make big meals?

How many clothes should I have?
How often do you do laundry? Do you need to wear more formal or more casual clothing? Is there anything that you have been saving because you don't fit into it? (If it hasn't happened in a year, it isn't going to happen before it goes out of style. Let it go. Embrace what you look like now.) Is there anything that you save for a special occasion that never happens? Is there anything that you aren't wearing because you don't like it but it is sentimental. (Take a picture of it.)

And if all else fails... Don't ask yourself if you COULD ever use it again. Ask yourself if you will ever NEED it again, and how much it would cost to replace. Pick an amount you are comfortable with. For many people that amount is 20 dollars. If you get rid of it, and it turns out you need it, run to Target and buy it for 20 bucks. When unsure about how many of something to keep, ask yourself a question. Then you will know just the right amount for your situation.

How Much is Too Much?

Why moderately minimalist? A friend commented to me today that she doesn't think many minimalists would call themselves moderate. I chuckled. Probably not. So why do I? I do not want the smallest amount possible -minimal. The moderately minimalist approach was a reaction to my previous way of life -too much.

When does it all become too much? You know it is too much when you can't fit one car into a 3 car garage. You know it is too much when you can't set the groceries down on the kitchen counter without first clearing it off. You know it is too much when it takes children longer to clean up the toys than they spent playing with them. You know it is too much when you go to grab a storage container and they all fall out on your head. You know it is too much when you are too embarrassed by the mess to have friends visit.

While on the surface we believed society when they told us all of that stuff meant we were living the American dream, deep in our souls we knew we were beginning to drown. Instead of our stuff serving us, the way we imagined it when we bought it, we spent our free time serving our stuff. Buying it, cleaning it, organizing it, displaying it, moving it again. We came to the end of our consumer selves. Now we see stuff for what it is, just stuff. We are not anti-stuff. If the stuff is serving a purpose, cooking our food, clothing our body, playing music, it can stay. It is only the useless stuff, the stuff that hasn't been used in 6 months that has to go. As that stuff goes out the door, so does the time it took to maintain the stuff. Now that time is mine. Now the car can go in the garage. The groceries can be set on the counter. The children have more time to play. And friends can come to visit. Freedom.

Celebrating Dad

Being true to our moderately minimalist philosophy, we celebrated Father's Day with experiences. Saturday night, our 10 year old took his dad out for Chinese food. I don't like ginger. It is very hard for someone who doesn't like ginger to eat Chinese food. My husband is forever complaining that he doesn't get enough Chinese food in his life. My ten year old likes all the food. All food, everywhere. And at the moment, he likes all food, everywhere, and lots of it. He must be growing. So it was the perfect match. They ate their Chinese food while the 4 year old and I stayed home and made ice cream cake. Yum! Then after church today, the kids gave him their homemade cards and I made steak fajitas. He felt appreciated. There is nothing to wash or organize or put away as the result. That makes everyone happy.

Moderately Minimalist in the Toy Department

"How many toys do you have?" I get this question more than any other question. People ask me what I think is the right number of cars? The right number of dolls? The right number of stuffed animals? There is no magic number.

There are many things I consider when deciding how many toys to allow my children. Here are the top 3 things I consider:
1. My children only have 2 hands each. Children do not need 30 dinosaurs. They only have 2 hands. Even with two of them playing, they would need to put down the two dinosaurs they were playing with, and pick up a different two at least 7 times. For 2 boys, 8-10 dinosaurs is more than enough. The same theory goes for cars, Barbies, action figures, stuffed animals, etc.
2. How much space are the toys allowed? All of our toys go on a book shelf. They all have to fit. (We do have a trunk for Duplos because with the size and nature of Duplos, they wouldn't fit well on a shelf.) All of the dinosaurs, cars, action figures and blocks have to fit on the shelf.
3. How long does it take to pick up every toy in our home, should they all get pulled out? In our home, 5 minutes and 20 seconds. The moderately minimalist dad hates coming home to toys all over. So 30 minutes before he is scheduled to come home, the boys are told to put it all away. To make it fun one day, I asked if I could time them. To put away every toy in our entire home takes 5 minutes and 20 seconds. That is a number that seems reasonable to me. Find a number that is reasonable to you. The next time the toys are all out, tell the kids they have to beat the timer.

There is a common misconception that more toys make children more creative. It isn't true. A child who has a toy space ship will never turn an oatmeal container into a space ship. Taking away toys encourages children to use their imaginations.

The Perfect Hostess Gift

I attended a dinner party tonight. My friend, Katie, renovated her kitchen. She had several friends over to enjoy her new kitchen. The old me would have stressed over a gift. I probably would have spent my day searching for neutral looking pot holders or kitchen towels, a candle. I would have wanted to spend enough money for it to look nice, but not so much money that it seems over the top. Not this time.

Being moderately minimalist now, I simply asked her. "Is there a wine or coffee that you enjoy?" She said, "I enjoy red wine." That was so much easier! If wines intimidate you, use Google. Google is a wonderful tool for situations like this. I typed in "best cheap wines". I found 2 entries for wines under 20 bucks. Ravenswood was on both lists. I drove to the store and bought a bottle. I was able to enjoy the rest of my day, without stressing over the gift. Katie can enjoy the wine. She doesn't have to pretend to like some towels or a candle. The gift is consumable. It will be gone in a week. We are both happy.

Weight Loss Tools and Gadgets- All You Need

My Dr. has asked that I lose 15 lbs. in order to avoid diabetes. Diabetes runs in my family. I also had gestational diabetes during both pregnancies. I am 40. I know this weight loss thing doesn't get any easier as we age. So I am diligently working at my health.

Do you have any idea how much stuff they have out there to help us lose weight? I used to work at Bed Bath and Beyond. Every January we would put weight loss merchandise in the aisles for those with New Year's Resolutions to lose weight. In the "housewares" section there were food scales, measuring cups, measuring spoons, juicers, salad spinners, salad shooters and a gadget to specially cut every fruit and veggie in existence. There are avocado slicers, apple corers, apple slicers, pineapple slicers, banana keepers, strawberry hullers, corn peelers and cherry pitters. On the other side of the store were the yoga pants, tank tops, balance balls, weights, heart rate monitor, work out DVDs, and body scales. There is a lot of money being made off of people getting healthy! Of all the items I named, I own 4. I own measuring cups and spoons. I own a food scale and a body scale.

Losing weight doesn't have to cost a lot of money, or require a lot of stuff. I make healthy food from scratch. I use my knife and cutting board. My knife and cutting board can do all of the things the afore mentioned gadgets could do. I own a very nice pair of running shoes from a running company. They watched me run and helped fit me with the perfect pair of shoes. I run outside. All I need are my shoes. I run in clothes that I already owned. I did not go out and buy special shorts and t-shirts to run in. I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty. Some readers, no doubt, are very serious athletes. You actually need special clothes and equipment. But does the average person need special equipment to lose 15-25 lbs.? Retailers would like people to think all of these things they are selling are necessary. They are not.

Raising a Mini-Minimalist

My 4 year old saw this picture of a piece of artwork today. He had one thing to say, "Whoah, too many cars." Ha! I think I may be raising a mini-minimalist.

Wasteful

Do you ever keep something because it seems like it would be wasteful to get rid of it? I bought this blush a month ago. It looked similar to the color I had used up. It is called "glow". Apparently my color is not "glow". My color is "St. Lucia". It took me a month to realize this was not the right color for me. So now I have a blush that has been used for one month, and does not look good on me. What do I do with it? The old me would have kept it on the shelf in my linen closet, because it would be wasteful to throw it away. It would have sat there for 6 months or a year. Then I would have said, that make up is over 6 months old, it needs to be disposed of. But it would have sat there taking up space in my closet and mental space every time I saw it for 6 months. The new me, the moderate minimalist, threw it away today.

Surprisingly what helped me get rid of that blush today is something an old Weight Watchers coach told me. She said, "Don't eat the last bites of food on your plate if you are full. There are 2 choices. You can let it go to waste, or you can let it go to your waist." Her point was that the food is no longer useful. It isn't enough to save for another meal. But eating it wasn't getting money back. It was just causing more work when I had to run it off. Now when I have something that I have purchased and used part of when I realize it isn't quite right, I think about what my weight watchers coach said. I can try to get my money's worth by hanging onto it. Or I can accept that the money is already spent, and let it go. Which will be more freeing? Letting it go.

Not Blank Walls

I am not a fan of blank walls. And I am not a fan of hanging things on the wall just so I don't have blank walls. So what's a moderate minimalist to do? Be discerning. Only allow things on the walls that have meaning. After all, minimalists aren't nothingists. I don't want to have less for the sake of having less. I want to have less so that I can more appreciate what I do own.

Last week was VBS. I love VBS. A week of friends and songs and learning about God. Our church decided a few years ago not to do cheesy little crafts. You know, the paper plate crafts that come home and you wonder how long you have to keep it to prove that you appreciate it? Our church decided to forego the 5 cheesy crafts for one nice craft that is worth keeping. Last week my boys made chalk boards. And today we hung those chalk boards in the kitchen. They have completely earned their wall space. They remind us of that week of friends and songs and learning about God. They bring us joy. And those are the things worth keeping around.

Time Well Spent

Since minimizing, I have extra time. Time not spent putting stuff away, cleaning stuff, organizing stuff. Sadly, I don't always use that time in a beneficial way. I might watch a movie. I might browse social media. Some down time is beneficial, but often not as much as I abuse.

Today, I used my extra time well. A year ago, I lost 20 lbs. Sadly, I have gained 12 of those lbs. back. Today I used my extra time to exercise and fix fresh food. This morning I took the boys to the park and exercised while they tossed a football back and forth. This afternoon I chopped pineapples, cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, etc. I put them all in containers to grab when I am feeling hungry. I made a meal from scratch that was tasty and healthy. Trying to become healthy again would be so overwhelming if it were not for the extra time I enjoy. Instead of overwhelmed tonight, I feel energetic and pleased that I have corrected course without a total upheaval to my home. I do benefit from being able to make changes without the difficulty of stuff distracting us from our efforts. And even more, I think my husband children benefit. Our home feels like a place of comfort and joy.

It Might Break

A little while back, one of my children came to me crying. Their shield had broken. I said, "Wow awesome! Did a dragon take a bite out of it or was it hit by a sword?" My child was not amused and could not be persuaded that this defect is ok. Perhaps it makes the shield more tough because it has already been through battle? Not in his eyes.

The broken shield brought to the surface a fear that something would happen to his other toys. He began to tell his brother about other toys, "We shouldn't play with that. It might break." If the toy was special, it needed saved. Watching this happen was comical. He was essentially saying, "We shouldn't play with that. If we play with it now, we may not get to play with it later." And later never came. So now it never gets played with at all.

Before you judge the logic of my children, allow me to challenge some similar adult logic. Those are my nice shoes. I can't wear them everyday. Those are the nice dishes. We need to save them for a special occasion. The shoes are only worn a handful of times and they are now out of style, barely used or enjoyed. The occasions for the special dishes are often passed up because children may be present. They may get broken. Yes! They may get broken. They are things. They will not last forever. From the time they are created they are wearing out and breaking down. So enjoy them while you can! Don't wait until a special occasion to pull out the dishes. Make this Saturday night special and use them now. If they break, we can say we enjoyed them. I am certain we will enjoy them more using them than we will keeping them packed in a box somewhere. Put on the nice shoes! Wear them everyday until there is no wear left in them. I would rather feel like I have cute shoes on everyday for 3 months than 7 times over 3 years. Let's learn a lesson from my children. Let's use things now because later may never arrive. Then we will have never used them at all.

Minimalist Voices

Standing up and declaring I won't have my success measured by my possessions in our society is not easy. I need encouragement, reminders, some days even direction. Knowing people in the minimalist community who provide that voice is essential. I am compiling a list of minimalists and their strengths. I am sharing the first 5 minimalists today. These are people most everyone in the minimalist community knows. If you are new to minimalism, check them out.

1. Joshua Becker, blogger and author
Joshua blogs at Becoming Minimalist.
http://www.becomingminimalist.com/
Joshua is married with 2 kids. His style of minimalism is very family friendly. He is easily the most inspirational minimalist out there. He is working on a project with orphans in Honduras. He has a very gentle approach. On his blog he has written a letter to family members of minimalists who don't understand the concept. He is known for saying, "Maybe the life you've always wanted to live is buried underneath everything you own."

2. Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus, bloggers and authors
Joshua and Ryan blog at The Minimalists.
http://www.theminimalists.com/about/
If my single sisters were to come to me tomorrow and tell me they were interested in minimalism, these are the guys I would recommend they follow. They have no kids. The pictures on their blog look a little stark. Very serious about their minimalism. Not really family friendly. They have written the book, Everything That Remains. Joshua has written some about his minimalist diet.

3. Leo Babauta, blogger and author
Leo blogs at Zen Habits.
http://zenhabits.net/
I haven't read much of Leo's stuff. I am not into Zen. But Leo has the feel of a life coach. He concentrates much less on the possessions. He is talking about changing habits and discipline. He has written several ebooks, and one print book, The Fine Art of Limiting Yourself to the Essential in Business and in Life. Leo is known for saying, “Instead of focusing on how much you can accomplish, focus on how much you can absolutely love what you’re doing.”

4. Marie Kondo, author
Marie Kondo wrote The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Marie is a Japanese cleaning consultant. I am going to admit, I don't connect with her style... at all. I think minimizing is about detaching ourselves from our possessions. Our possessions do a job for us. When they are no longer useful they go. Marie believes in having a relationship with your things. Be grateful to your socks for the job they do for you. If you cannot have a relationship with an item, it must go. I am probably not describing it accurately, because I don't get it. But I am mentioning her because I know MANY people who have found great success using her method. So if the first three minimalists don't speak to your heart, try her.

5. Kim John Payne, blogger and author
Kim John Payne blogs at Simplicity Parenting.
http://www.simplicityparenting.com/blog/
Simplicity Parenting is the most life changing minimalist book I have read. And actually, I don't know that the word minimalist was ever used. The book suggests getting rid of half your child's toys, then half it again. And the reasons for doing so are clearly outlined. But the book doesn't stop at possessions. A child needs a rhythm to their day and quiet space. I strongly recommend this book for anyone with kids.

Rest

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” -John Lubbock

Even God took a day of rest. So it is a little absurd that our society has decided we don't need rest. Living everyday like the next, hurrying through trying to get as much done as we can. Hurrying through the week to get to the weekend. Hurrying on the weekend to get everything done before going back to work. My husband and I call this do do. We are tempted to do do do do because we think it proves how important we are. Clutter in life is not only physical. Mental clutter needs cleared out as well. Even kids have baseball practices or games 7 days/ week now. An activity that was meant to bring us joy has become burdensome, tiring.

When we first decided we were going to practice a day of rest, I was fearful. I was anxious. I felt "stress". How would I get everything done in 6 days and not 7? Ridiculous thoughts entered my head like what if we need toilet paper? Where do those thoughts come from? I have no intention of going to the store on Christmas either, and I don't worry that I won't have toilet paper. We learned to be intentional. On Saturday I ask myself, do I have everything I need so that I can rest tomorrow? We learned to find out ahead of time how many practices being on that team entailed. We told our children they could choose only one activity and it could not take place on our day of rest. Luke chose art classes, they take place on Wednesdays.

When we began taking our day of rest, we discovered that this day of rest is the exact opposite of stressful. I don't have to sit in traffic. I don't have to stand in line. I don't have to pay for anything. Don't have to mow the lawn. No arguing with kids about homework. I can sit and read. I can go for a walk. I can take a nap. I can talk with family and friends. At the end of the day I feel refreshed, like a new woman. You might wonder how we get everything done in 6 days? We are more productive the other 6 days, thanks to that one day off. And who can't shave some time each day off of social media? One look at facebook or twitter or Pinterest tells me that the average person in our society does have some extra time.

The moderately minimalist family not only cleaned off our counters and our bookcases, we also cleaned off our schedules. We got rid of the do do. One day each week, we have just one task on our schedule... REST.

30 Day Habit Promoting Minimalism

VBS ended at my church yesterday. VBS was my last commitment for the year. Now that I have kids my year follows the school schedule, not the calendar year. Today officially feels like the first day of summer. I am taking a break from all commitments this summer. I am officially in charge of nothing. A glorious feeling that I need to enjoy because in August, I will pick many responsibilities up again.

This seems like the perfect time to start my friend, Meredith's, challenge. Here it is if you want to join: http://www.meredithmhoward.com/news/2015/5/11/30-day-challenge She is challenging people to do something for 30 days. I am choosing blogging. I want to have a minimalist blog because this is a topic that I feel passionately about that there isn't a lot of information out there for people. My biggest passion in life is my faith in God, but there are books and blogs about that everywhere. Minimalism is my second passion in life, and actually ties in to my faith. Minimalism information is much more challenging to find. If I have a question about minimalist music collections or how to keep my kid's toys minimal, there are very few resources. We have The Minimalists, Joshua Becker, Miss Minimalist and the Everyday Minimalist blogging. For books we can read Simplicity Parenting and the Joy of Less.... And then what? I really hope the minimalist community continues to grow. In the meantime, anyone who practices this lifestyle needs to speak up and share.

I have a passion for minimalism. I see a need for more minimalist resources. So why is blogging so difficult? I think Meredith is right, it is work. Minimalism is not difficult to practice. Just don't buy stuff. The promotion of minimalism is work. I am involved as group owner on a message board on Babycenter called Becoming A Minimalist. Most days it is my favorite place in the world. But initially, it did require a self-discipline to go there everyday and check on it and make sure everything was running smoothly. Eventually it became an enjoyable habit. That is my hope for this project. I want blogging about our moderately minimalist life to be a habit that I look forward to. So, here is day 1.